Learning To Love Again

Losing love in the past doesn’t mean your love life is ruined forever. There is hope for all of us. All you have to do is believe in yourself, trust your instincts and understand that being alone is healthy. One of the most difficult problems many young adults have is the inability and fear of being alone. Too many people rush into relationships because they want to be with anyone who will have them. While the situation may seem ideal at the time, later on it will become obvious very quickly that you don’t truly know yourself. Before you can love another person, you have to be able to love yourself. This probably has a lot to do with the high divorce rates that have been going on for a while now. People rush into things, don’t look ahead and think of the future and then realize who they are and what they want when it’s far too late.

http://www.subhub.com/custom/love%20publishers.jpg

When your heart has been torn apart, you shouldn’t feel rushed to jump into a new relationship. Now is the best time for you to look back, figure out what went wrong and learn from your mistakes so you can have a healthier relationship in the future. I’m not saying this is going to be easy, but if you follow these simple rules you are going to be glad you did. Everything in life is a learning experience so don’t be afraid to “fail” once in a while.

Love Keeps Getting Stronger and Stronger

It amazes me how much I love my boyfriend and how much closer I feel to him each day. You would think that there would be a limit on how much you love someone, and once you love them what feels like “a lot”, that it would be done. (Meaning, you can’t possibly love them anymore) How is it then; that as each day goes by; I end up loving my boyfriend more and more and I feel closer to him all the time? I find it amazing lol. We’ve been together over a year now, and after all we’ve been through, he has proven to me that he cares about me more than I thought a person was capable of loving another person. He has taught me what it means to love another person. I thought I knew what love was, but I never did until I met him. I have major trust issues and I don’t like getting close to people, because I always figure that I’m going to lose them anyway, which I realize isn’t a good way to look at life, but it’s how I feel. When it comes to him, I would do anything for him (truly) and can honestly say for the first time in my entire life that I will be with him through anything. I don’t care if he was dying and couldn’t speak to me.. I would be right there with him, taking care of him because he is the most amazing, loving, caring person I have ever met. I love him with all my heart. He keeps me sane lol!

I heard about  this tennis game, so I’m going to check that out. Talk to you guys later!

Laying In The Grass

I have been having so much fun with my dog lately! I love laying in the grass with him. He gets all excited when I lay down, and he jumps all over me. Luckily he’s only like 3 pounds or it would probably hurt me lol. I could sit outside with him for hours and just let him run around. He’s so funny! I’m not sure what it is but he’s obsessed with leaves. He’ll sit there and chew on them. He also loves pinecones. Does your dog do that too? I just think it’s so hilarious.

I feel bad lately though, because I haven’t been walking him very much. I guess I’ve just been so tired from working and everything and I just don’t have the energy for much of anything right now. Any tips on how to walk your dog and just how to stay motivated? I know he needs to get out of the apartment more and get some fresh air; so do I.

I’m so glad we have three puppies, because they can all grow up together. I just wish they knew how to keep it down at night. They’re always running around, chasing each other; barking lol. I bet the neighbors downstairs hate us! Luckily, they’re moving really soon. I’m really surprised people haven’t complained about them. There was only one time that the neighbor told us that our dog was being loud and it was like 11pm. I felt really bad!! I didn’t realize he was that loud. I guess I just get used to him doing it. He hates when we go to bed at night, because he just wants to stay up. He gets all angry when we turn out the lights lol.

Almost Our One Year!!!

I’m super excited! My boyfriend and I have almost been together for one full year. Sure, it’s been bumpy along the way and there have been times I’ve worried we weren’t going to work, but I always knew we would be friends. I’ve never been happier in my life and I know he’s the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve literally lived with him since the day we started dating. I’m so glad I took that chance, and moved states away to be with him. I never knew things would turn out this great. Ever since I took that chance, I have followed my heart. Something told me back then that I had to give it a try, because if I didn’t then I would never know. I’d only known Chris for about a year at that point, and we never really hung out much. I always thought he was so adorable and awesome. He was always so much fun, so funny and full of life. He didn’t seem to care what people thought of him, which was super sexy.

So ya, September 1st, 2009 was the day I decided to move to Reno. I was terrified but so excited. It was going to be a fresh start for me and my grandma was sick with Lymphoma. I didn’t know how to deal with losing the person I loved most, the one I ran to for everything. Lucky for me, things worked out great with Chris. We moved back to Seattle to take care of my grandma and in a way, he took her place. I don’t know what I would do without him!

I love you Chris, always and forever!! Happy one year and many, many more to come <3

Believe In Yourself

I truly believe; positive thinking goes a long way. I have noticed that when you think bad things are going to happen or you look for the negative in everything, negative things happen. Our minds are a lot stronger than many of us think. There is a sort of energy that emulates from us when we think one way or the other, causing things in our life to happen.

I have chosen to take the positive route because I really think it will benefit me. Ever since I found out I had anxiety, I realized that the way I was thinking was affecting how happy I was. In order to live a happy life, I had to change the way I was thinking. My whole life I had been only seeing the negative in my life and hadn’t realized that a lot of it had to do with the way I was acting. I was pushing those away who cared about me most away and not letting anyone into my little bubble. My mother didn’t help much with my situation; she was always picking me apart and making me feel like I had no voice.

I’m glad that I now have many people who love me around me all the time and that are very supportive. Therapy taught me a lot and I hope all of you can lead positive lives as well :)

Life is too short to be worried about the little things, and upsetting over things that will get better in time.

Memories of Grandma

It’s been seven months since I lost my grandmother to Cancer, and sometimes it feels as if she never existed, which is really upsetting but it’s much better than dealing with the pain of losing the most important person in my life. Right now, I feel like bawling my eyes out but I just can’t because I am too motivated and focused on the future. I know she wouldn’t want me to think about the fact that she’s gone, she would want me to think of the happy days and think about my future and the rest of my life with Chris. I wish she could see our apartment, the promise ring Chris gave me and everything. She would be so proud if she saw how well I’m doing with my online work. She would be so excited to hear about our new apartment and our new cards. She would love that my dad and I still hang out and that the kids still come over. Things have changed a lot since she left, but I try to keep things as normal as I can. I hope she knows I took over her phone number because I know it meant a lot to her. I am keeping in contact with everyone for her and I will never forget about her. I hope she knows I’m happy.

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of the books that I’ve had for a while and never had the time to read them. I am currently reading my Alice Sebold books and my grandma always wrote in the books she gave me. It’s so sad seeing her handwriting and knowing she once held this book in her hands. Sometimes I wish I could see her again, have a conversation with her, and smell the scent of her perfume. She was the sweetest, cutest grandmother and I hope she knows I love her with all my heart. She’s so beautiful and she forever changed my life.

I love you so much grandma! I promise I will never give up. I love you so much!!!

Negative Relationships

In life, ‘bad’ things may come our way, but in the end, after it’s all said and done, life goes on. Who are we to say what is good and bad? Something that seems bad at a certain time in our lives, can be positive later on. It all depends on how you look at it. Negative things in our past can be learning experiences that make us stronger in the long run.

Whether you’ve been through a negative relationship with a family member, a friend or a significant other, it can feel the same. I know it’s hard, but in time things will get better. I honestly believe, when you go through tough times, you are being prepared for bigger and better things. Life is a constant learning experience.

I don’t wanna get too into it, but growing up with my mother was very hard. She didn’t treat me right, and made me feel like I had no voice what so ever. I still have issues with speaking up for myself and worrying that everyone is mad at me.

Eighteen years of living in fear is hard to erase, but I can honestly say that I would do it all again, because it made me who I am today.

Embrace your past! :) Feel free to share your stories! I would love to hear from you.

Why all the hate?!

There has been something on my mind for a while now, and I just have to get it out. It seems like everywhere I turn, there are people making fun of the LGBT community. Why is it that people think it’s so wrong? Does it really matter who we sleep with? Honestly. I just don’t understand how one person’s sex life could be more important than another’s. It’s very upsetting to me to see what the LGBT community has to go through. Why is it then get questioned constantly, and they are pressured into speaking out about who they’re with. Those of us who are straight, are treated completely different. It’s really not fair and I wish it would stop.

How do you guys feel about this? I really would like to get some different perspectives. I think I am a very understanding person and if people from both sides could leave some comments explaining why they feel the way they do, that would be great. I would love to have a little debate about all this.

Help me understand..

A lot of my beliefs could be due to the fact that I’m not religious and I take pride in that. I don’t like religion because it reminds me of a club or a cult. I like to think for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met some great religious people who think for themselves and don’t go exactly by the book. I’m not trying to put people into groups.

I really look forward to your comments!

Do what makes you happy

Why is it that when people find out I’m an online writer, they tend to think I will not be able to make enough money and that I would be better off getting a “real” job. Okay, I get what they’re saying to a point, because this whole online thing is new, even to me. But, I am the kind of person who believes that you can do whatever you want and if you try hard enough and really have a passion for what you’re doing, things will work out. I know that may sound like a bit of a naïve thing to say, but I truly believe it. I know I’ve had a bit of luck throughout my life to be able to do what I’m doing now and test it out, but I have passion for writing. I have passion for helping people. I can’t help it. It’s funny too because I’ve known this my entire life, but was so focused on thinking about what I “should” do, and that held me back. So much of the time, I think we think in a way that society has taught us to and forget to “think outside the box”, as my boyfriend always says.

If there is something that you want to do in your life, something that you are so passionate about, and that would make you happy, go for it. You only have one life and at the end of the day, you have every right to be satisfied with yourself and what you’re doing. Do what feels right of you!

Love Yourself

One thing that I think is really important in life is to learn to love yourself. This applies not only in physical relationships, but with your family and friends as well. If you think about it, how is one capable to be there for another person, when they can’t even be there for themselves? A perfect example of this is my mother. She is a very depressed, and lonely person. She hated herself, so wasn’t there for me and my siblings growing up. It was almost as if we didn’t have a mother at all. My mom was so lost in her own head and her own trouble and pain, that she sometimes couldn’t even get out of bed, wasn’t able to walk us to the bus stop. Sadly, in her case, she always drank her troubles away. Although, she would wake up the following day and she would have to deal with herself again, and a hangover.


Many people deal with their problems and their hatred for themselves in the worst ways possible. I will admit, I’ve been there. When I was depressed, I would avoid people and push everyone away who mattered to me. I was determined to make it on my own. What I failed to realize is that sometimes we need other people to help us get on our feet again. Some may say this is weak, but it’s not. Admitting you’re wrong or you need help is a major strength, and it’s probably one of the hardest things for any of us to do.

My previous relationships have been perfect examples of not loving myself and what it can do to your life. I was with people who were in no way right for me, and I knew it. However, I did whatever I could in my own mind to avoid the situation together and how it was making me feel. Where did that get me? To being unhappy, depressed and having panic attacks. I acted like everything was fine and put on a smile each day. I was with these guys for all the wrong reasons, and no matter what anyone said or tried to do to help me, I refused to change. I figured, I have found these guys who love me, when no one else will, so I can’t leave. That’s not the case, and no matter who you are, that will never be the case. If you love yourself, you give yourself more opportunities and you open up more doors because you aren’t afraid to be alone and take chances! It’s amazing how one simple fact really did change my life. You can do it to.

So, take a look at your life, and make sure you’re really happy. Are you doing what you like to do or what other want you to do? Are you happy with who you are? Who you’re becoming? If yes, then give yourself a pat on the back for loving yourself!

Giving Back :)

You want to know what brings me the most happiness? Giving back. You don’t have to have a lot of money to help others, you just have to be willing to make small sacrifices. Let’s say, you get a coffee every morning on the way to work. Instead of doing that, why don’t you buy something that’s worth the same amount of money to a homeless person on the street. I’m sure they could use the food more than you could use that coffee. Lately, I have been buying food for the homeless more and more. I really do think it’s the best feeling in the world. I love to see the look on their face, just the complete shock, when you hand them a meal. Honestly, it doesn’t matter how much you spend. To them, a meal is a meal. Buy them something you would like and really appreciate. Giving back is something that my grandmother taught me. She was always such a sweet person and always thinking about everyone around her. I think she thought about others more than she thought about herself!

The last time I bought someone a meal with the other day. I was eating at this new restaurant in town called Caspers. It was really cold outside and pouring rain. A homeless man pulled up on his bike and came inside and sat down to warm himself up. I heard him say, “If you’re going to kick me out, do it now.” I felt so terrible, sitting there eating, so I walked over to the waitress and told her to let him buy anything he wanted. You should have seen the look on his face. He was so grateful and excited to get to eat cat fish. He reminded me that I added another ten days to his life. I thought that was very cute. He walked over to my table, and gave me a coin that said “Love Coin” on the front. It is something I will cherish forever.

What have you done to give back lately?

Grandma's Birthday

Today marks the exact day that my grandmother passed away, just two months ago. It's so weird waking up and not having her here, not being able to see her, speak to her. Today would have been her 85th birthday. I took some time and wrote a little note for her on my website. I really feel so blessed to have met such a wonderful woman! She was so kind and so giving. She put everyone else above her. I miss her terribly and can't wait to see her again one day. Have any of you lost someone you loved? What did you do to make it easier to deal with? I’m hoping one day I can wake up and it won’t feel like such a dream. Lately, I’ve been dreaming a lot about her and it’s been very comforting because I get to see her and hear her voice again. I feel so lucky to have so many videos of her that I can look at when I miss her. I’m still in shock in a way. I mean, she was just here, she’s always been here, and now she’s just.. gone. I wish I could explain in words how much she meant to me but I’m not sure it’s possible. She was my mom, one of my best friends, the main person in my life. I went to her for anything and everything. She was my support in every sense of the word. She listened to me, loved me and showed me how to be a good person. She was a person to look up to, and a person to trust. I’m not sure if I’ll ever meet anyone in my lifetime like her again and I hope that all of you reading this can experience, even if just for a moment, someone like her. When you do, you’ll never forget, because it will be a very special moment indeed.


<3 RIP Grandma. I LOVE YOU <3

I will never forget you!!